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My son went through a Moana phase and even though he’s over it now, every time he sees a bird he goes, “Shoo! Shoo!” And tries to scare them away like at the beginning of the movie Awesome Chicken Heihei Sometime You Just Gotta Say Cluck It And Walk Away Shirt. For two years now this kid has shooed away every bird he ever sees cuz of Moana. I just caught the end where the ocean returns the shell to her after all those years — how I missed that after watching it 5,000+ times, I have no idea. Wait till you read about this theory. I never made the connection until I read it online even though I saw the movie countless times. It’s a cute theory, but it’s based on a complete misunderstanding of how “average life expectancy” works…

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Once people made it past those hurdles, they routinely lived into their late 60s unexceptionally. Even 80-year-olds were not a big deal. So a 49-year-old woman, having avoided dying Awesome Chicken Heihei Sometime You Just Gotta Say Cluck It And Walk Away Shirt. I always figured Moana’s dad was the youngest of fourteen or so kids, hence her advanced age. Or a change of life baby! Fun fact, the actor that does his voice, Temuerra Morrison, is almost ten years older than Rachel House. I don’t think we know what age looks like anymore? Like, we are all so used to dye hair and nips n tucks who knows what age looks like? The actress that does the voice for Grandma Tala, Rachel House, is that age more or less—she was born.

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I like that theory a lot better than the whole “The king and queen of Arendell’s ship got lost on the way to Corona. I also think that the theory that Elsa and Anna are cousins, not sisters, has legs. The theory goes like this: Rapunzel’s mother has twins–Rapunzel and Elsa. Rapunzel gets kidnapped by Mother. Gothel for her magical hair power but for whatever reason, she doesn’t see (or ignores) the other baby. So, to keep her other child-safe once her powers start manifesting. (Because clearly her ice powers don’t manifest in infancy the way Rapunzel’s magic hair did), she sends her to her cousin in Arendell to keep her safe.

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